


I want to kill you (if you don't beat me to it)

by Ofwordsandroses



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Theatre Kid Roman, flirting in shakespeare, how do you tag, mild bad language, theatre kid Janus, thomas is a teacher but he's theRE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:34:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24218980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ofwordsandroses/pseuds/Ofwordsandroses
Summary: Roman and Janus have known each other their whole lives and have been rivals for most of it.But slowly, things start to change.A story of death threats and falling in love.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 25
Kudos: 75





	I want to kill you (if you don't beat me to it)

**Author's Note:**

> So I used the british education system because america confuses me so if you're confused
> 
> year seven-year 11 is highschool which is 11-16  
> year twelve-year thirteen is college which is 16-18

Roman sighed dramatically pushing open the doors to the canteen and making his way to the empty table he and his friends had claimed almost five years ago now. It was strange to think their last year in highschool was coming to a close but unlike a certain anxious emo Roman was excited to be moving on to bigger and better things. It was even better knowing that he would still have all of his friends by his side as they had all applied for the same college.

Roman slid into the creaky plastic chair at the end of the table unpacking his lunch when he heard Patton’s voice drift through the crowd. The bubbly boy came into view, curly hair bouncing madly as he dragged an unflappable Logan behind him.

He had been best friends with Patton and Logan since, well forever really. They had grown up together and had gone from playing cardboard castles with him and Remus to despairing over algebra together.

“Hi Ro!” Patton exclaimed cheerfully sliding into the seat beside him as Logan straightened his blazer from the other side of the table flinging his leather jacket on the back of the chair.

“Hello padre” Roman greeted back warmly when Patton shot him a large grin. Patton honestly hadn’t changed from that bubbly five year old he remembered and was still as excitable to this day. Everyone wondered how someone as peppy as Patton could be such good friends with someone as serious as Logan but Roman knew better. For all Logan came across as stern and intelligent Roman knew at heart he really was just an absolutely feral nerd. He had grown up with Roman but he had also grown up with Remus. That changes you as a person.

Plus Roman knew that despite the put-together, spick and span uniform that was Logan’s outward presence the other boy had also gone through a punk phrase with Remus and that he had actually never left it.

Patton had just finished filling Roman in on what had happened last period (‘and then they threw Mr Mcnamara’s glasses onto the canteen roof- Roman stop laughing it was horrible!) when Virgil appeared making Roman jump in surprise.

“Ugh” Virgil groaned long suffering slumping over the table blowing his dark bangs out of his eyes.

“Yes quite, Virgil” Logan nodded in agreement.

“I’m so tired” Virgil groans again not lifting his head up.

“I thought you said you went to bed early last night Kiddo?” Patton asks worriedly

“I did. But my bones are creaking, they’ve been awake for too long”

No one knew how to respond to that.

“I assume you have another tale to tell us Roman” said Logan turning towards Roman with his sharp eyes more than used to listening to dramatic narratives of Roman’s exploits and resigning himself to another monologue about his day. Today however Roman decided to keep it succinct

“I hate him” Roman declared strongly.

“We know Princey” Virgil said as he began ardently working on the algebra homework that was due next period.

“He’s horrible”

“Not disagreeing with you” says Virgil tapping his pen against the table, brows furrowed as if he could glare the equation into submission.

The person who Roman was referring to was of course his rival, his enemy, his arch-nemesis (‘people don’t have arch nemeses in real life Roman’) King of Tossers; Janus Thorn.

Roman could give many reasons why he hated him, in fact he was sure he could even turn it into an alphabeticalised list if he cared too. He was arrogant, self-involved, obnoxious, irritatingly sure of himself smug asshole. He was callous, cruel and a liar and one time when he had come to Roman’s house to visit Remus he had replaced the cream in his Oreos with toothpaste. He was the ultimate douche, the overlord of douche-dom one could say. He and Virgil knew that better than anyone.

If Roman had known Logan and Patton all his life than Virgil could be considered a new addition to their mismatched group. He had in fact been Remus’ friend first when Remus finally started making friends that weren’t Romans. Remus, Janus and Virgil where a close knit group, basically an edgier version of Roman, Logan and Patton and they all had gotten on pretty well in the beginning. Roman had quite liked Remus’ friends. Virgil was quite shy at first but the more effort Roman made to chat with him the few times they all shared lunch together he found the other boy could be quite snarky and Roman enjoyed bantering with him. He was a fellow lover of Disney and actually liked his twin even with all of his eccentricities which made him alright in Roman’s book.

And Janus loved theatre. Roman loved acting, whilst most kids outgrew the dream of being an actor Roman clung onto it with a feverish hope. It was the one thing that Roman could see himself doing for the rest of his life, it was his happiness, his passion and he had loved being able to share it with someone who understood. 

Until, like all badly written eighties teen movie villains, Janus ruined it.

He, Logan and Patton had been sitting at their usual lunch table and Logan had delightedly been explaining how he had set a stool on fire in science class earlier that day when they had been interrupted by Virgil. He had walked over to the table running a hand anxiously through his black hair and his deep hazel eyes were looking suspiciously blood-shot and Roman had to supress the urge to hug him.

“Do you mind if I sit with you guys today?” he asked haltingly fiddling with the sleeves of his blazer

“Of course Virgil” Logan said moving a chair down as Virgil visibly slumped in relief taking a seat at the table not meeting their eyes.

“What’s wrong Kiddo?” Patton asked because he was perpetually a dad at heart.

“Yeah weren’t you hanging with Rem and Janus today?” Roman asked curiously reaching over and stealing one of Patton’s chocolates in his moment of distraction.

Virgil’s expression became embittered then, eyes glassy as he spoke

“I had a fight with Janus. He said he- he had found better company”

Roman immediately declared war on Janus, mostly to put a smile on Virgil’s face. They spent all of lunch coming up with more and more ridiculous ways to get back at the snake. He never found out why they had argued but he pledged to be the most inconveniencing thing in Janus’ life for hurting his friend that way.

From there any class they had usually ended in petty bitter arguing no matter what unfortunate soul got in the way. Especially drama. Both he and Janus loved the subject and both had already been quite competitive before ‘the incident’ and Janus was actually a really good actor, something Roman would never admit out loud as he even had trouble acknowledging it privately. Thus, their rivalry was born. Drama was a war zone, a battle fought with charged insults and snide remarks like;

“Whatever you say Janice” Roman said blithely when the other boy tried to give him some direction

“My name is Janus”

“Hmm okay” said Roman disbelieving and smiled when he heard Janus let out a pained groan.

Janus was cruel and callous and horrible according to Roman and Roman was brash and loud and insensitive according to Janus. It was a mutual hatred. Janus thought Roman had no right meddling with his friendships and he couldn’t even do anything too horrible because Remus would gut him like a fish. So he and Virgil had an argument, that wasn’t uncommon. Roman had no right interfering and making his life just that bit more annoying with even just his presence. So they argued constantly, such as;

“Have a nice weekend sir” Roman wished warmly as they waked out of the studio

“Suck up”

Or

“Sir Janus doesn’t even need to audition for this role, he’s already a smug pompous asshole”

_Or_

“Sir you can’t possibly give this role to Roman, the character is clearly described as handsome”

Except four years later Roman had actually grown into the Prince Charming archetype he was so fond of. He was irritatingly cute actually but Janus doesn’t think about that. He’s annoying. They’re rivals.

Except when they’re not.

They had reluctantly gotten together for some extra rehearsals reaping the benefits of being the oldest students in highschool and being allowed to freely rehearse alone. This year’s production was Blood Brothers and if they got the knife scene wrong more time Roman might actually scream. Not that they were allowed a real knife that is. It hurt Romans soul to deliver such an intense scene with a clearly plastic pound land knife but needs must.

At least they _would_ be rehearsing if they could actually get into the drama studio.

“Ladies first” Roman had said to Janus gesturing for the taller boy to go in front of him.

“That implies the existence of a gentlemen, I have yet to see one” he snarked back but went to open the backstage door anyway. He reached forward and yanked it open and they both blinked in stupefied silence when the handle promptly fell off.

Roman snorted.

“Well done”

“Shut up” Janus hissed back glaring at the handle as if it would miraculously stick back on the door under his intimidating glare.

“What do we do now?” Roman asked taking the handle back from Janus and unsuccessfully trying to screw it back onto the door.

“I’m thinking, I understand that might be a relatively new concept for you”

Roman didn’t even bother responding to that.

Janus then nodded to himself, brown curly locks bouncing with the moment

“We’ll just have to take the classroom door” he said striding off leaving Roman to jog indignantly after him

“The classroom door’s locked genius, that’s why we needed to use the stage door in the first place” Roman said when they rounded the corner

“Not for long” Janus muttered rummaging around in his messenger bag (a leather messenger bag- how pretentious) and fishing out a pair of lock picks with a satisfied smile

“And you just, carry those around with you Artful Dodger?” Roman asked as Janus started fiddling with the lock.

“I’m friends with your twin Roman, it’s impossible to not pick up some morally dubious tricks when you’re around him”

Roman couldn’t even argue with that and stood back watching Janus pick the lock, his brows furrowed in concentration. Roman stood in silence deigning to let Janus work in peace when he heard someone running up the stairs by the studio. Poking his head around the corner he saw a small younger student looking like he was one mildly inconveniencing accident away from a full blown meltdown.

“Whoa hey there buddy what’s wrong” Roman calls out because of course he does. He’s impulsive like that.

“It’s-it’s nothing, just kids from my year who don’t know when to stop” he muttered pushing his glasses back up his nose and brushing his pink hair out of his face. It’s then Roman notices the pride flag badge tucked in between a wealth of Disney pins and he thinks he knows why this kid is so upset. Highschool students are mostly comprised of assholes after all. Roman is wracking his brain to come up with some comforting advice when both he and the kid hear a soft ‘click’ from the drama classroom door. Janus steps back with a smug smirk sticking the lock picks back in his bag as the door swung open.

He had actually done it.

~~That was kind of hot.~~

Roman turns his attention back to kid just when they all hear the sound of some other students lumber up the stairs.

“Oh Emile! Where did you run off too?” one of them calls tauntingly and the kid- Emile looks like he’s about to start crying again.

Janus sighs when Roman looks at him imploringly as if being a decent person actually brings him pain. It would certainly explain a few things if that was the case.

“Take him into the studio and I’ll deal with this” he drawls apathetically but his hands are twitching in a way that makes Roman nervous.

Emile stays and gives them advice on their performance, surprisingly he makes a pretty good director, and those boys never bother him again. Janus never tells him what happened but Roman can’t help but warm up to him a little bit more. Maybe he wasn’t _so_ bad.

~

“What’s Janus done today then?” Patton asks when he walks into the lunch room

“Why do you bring up that fiend?” Roman said frowning as he pulls out his lunch

“Because you’ve just come from drama and you have a stupid grin on your face that means you and Janus argued but you enjoyed it this time” Virgil comments from where his open poetry anthology lies. It’s almost impressive, the way Virgil dedicates himself to finishing their homework the hour before it’s due.

“As opposed to you coming from Drama scowling which means you argued with Janus and are now back to hating him” Logan chimes in drily and then tosses a highlighter at Virgil across the table.

“What?” Roman exclaims flustered “I don’t even like the guy I wouldn’t smile over him”

The silence he’s met with isn’t reassuring but the subject gets dropped.

~

Roman runs his monologue over again and again in his head as the clock ticks down to the time of his exam. It was horrifying, how quickly this year had gone. He had one last exam, drama, and was waiting outside the exam room door prepping for his turn.

He wouldn’t have even found the classroom if it hadn’t been for Janus. The rooms had changed at last minute and Roman was left desperately searching the school for the exam room, a room that in all his five years he had never heard of before. He had been in the English Corridor searching for the room when he saw Janus through the classroom door. Roman met his eyes, the mismatched pair of blue and hazel lighting up gleefully when he spotted Roman.

‘Help’ Roman mouthed desperately and actually blinked in surprise when Janus simply walked straight out of the classroom quirking an eyebrow in question.

“I’m lost”

Roman smashed the exam but that wasn’t what was important

“Guys you’ll never guess what I just called Janus” Roman wails the second he slumps over at their lunch table

“Fiend?”

“Scoundrel?”

“Bastard?”

“No something worse!”

And so Roman tells them about how Janus saved his arse by walking out of his class and leading Roman through the winding twisted halls of the teacher’s staff rooms in the secret attic he never knew the school had to where his exam was being held.

“And then I turn around and go ‘where would I be without my knight in shining armour’”

Virgil groans at that. A sentiment he could agree with.

“And then he goes ‘oh anything for my prince charming”

“Guys” Roman says wide-eyed “guys, what have I done?”

“Why do you sound so worried Roman? Isn’t that how you’re meant to flirt?” Logan questions innocently. Roman lets out a sound that could be categorised as a scream and leaves the room- they weren’t flirting, totally weren’t flirting.

Logan and Virgil high-five when he leaves.

~

Janus smashes his drama exam but that’s not important.

He and Remus were sat in one of the science classrooms. Remus was cheerfully dissecting a pigs heart under the watchful eye of their teacher in whatever nerdy extracurricular he had chosen to take this week to satisfy his macabre curiosity and Janus was slumped over the lab table moping. Not exactly an unusual position for Janus to be found in and wow didn’t that just say a lot about his life?

“And then I go, ‘anything for you Prince Charming’” Janus finishes his story looking up at Remus “Remus, Remus what have I done?”

They both ignore the barely muffled snort from their science teacher. Mrs Sawyer had been an unwitting and sometimes unwilling part of their conversations for years now, ever since Remus had claimed the science classroom as his own personal playground.

“Janus you’ve been flirting with my baby bro for the past two years-

“We’ve not been flirting” Janus interrupts “We don’t flirt. We’re enemies” and Remus looks up then, pig heart in one hand and scary looking scalpel in the other and levels him with a disapproving stare

“Keep telling yourself that Jay”

That image haunts Janus’ nightmares for weeks.

~

Roman’s excited to start college, It feels like a completely fresh start and he’s more than thankful he got the grades for his courses. And that he got a higher score than Janus in Drama which totally wasn’t the most important thing but kind of was the most important thing. When he had found out he had stolen his brother’s phone just to send him a bragging message about being the better performance.

Roman has already had most of his classes now, he even shares English literature with Virgil which was a small mercy. He was sure college wouldn’t be nearly as fun if he didn’t have his friends with him. Everything was so new and different and Roman could honestly say he loved it. He loved how his teachers treated him like an adult, loved having free periods and he also loved that Remus would be spending most of his time in the science building so less people would get them confused. Although that had been happening less since Remus started dying his hair a silver grey and no longer matched Roman’s blonde. Remus had also attempted to grow a moustache over the summer holidays but Roman wasn’t allowed to talk about that.

He walked down the stairs towards the drama studio which was in the ‘basement’ of the college, probably because it was the loudest class. He’s excited for drama. That is until he actually walks into the room.

The room hadn’t filled up yet, just their drama teacher who had introduced himself as Thomas on Roman’s introduction day and-

“Oh. It’s you” Roman finds himself saying when he spots Janus sat on top of one of the desks as if it was a throne.

Janus waves his hand teasingly smiling sharply in response

“You two know each other?” Thomas asks curiously looking between them as Roman wanders into the large room taking a seat in the circle of chairs set out for them all.

“We’re…frenemies” Roman says tentatively

“Roman” Janus gasps dramatically “I didn’t know you held me in such high regard” he teases, one hand splayed across his chest in false shock. If Roman had forgotten how irritating he was he had certainly remembered now.

Roman groans in response and Thomas and Janus laugh at his misery which Roman found quite rude of them. The rest of the class slowly filed in and Thomas began laying out what they would be doing on the two year course. When the class is dismissed an hour later Roman tears out of the room before Janus can say anything to him. He storms up to the study area he and his friends had found on the second day and promptly taken over. They were all there already, probably because they didn’t have to walk up four flights of stairs to reach it.

“Can you believe this? Jesus Christ Superstar I hate that guy” Roman moaned sitting on the table.

“We know” was his reply from all of them said in varying levels of exasperation.

He had such supportive friends.

~

If Janus had thought Thomas would not pair he and Roman up after finding out about their animosity filled relationship he was sadly mistaken. It seemed every duologue, every group piece, he and Roman ended up working together.

Janus knew he should have taken law instead, he knew it.

At least studying law he wouldn’t have to associate with Roman more than he had too. You would have thought Roman would have left all grudges behind in the constantly leaking corridors of their old highschool but the other boy was as stubborn as mule. Janus was sure that Roman had even forgotten what they had initially started fighting over and now only irritated him because his poor, misguided lizard-brain couldn’t handle doing anything else. As September faded into October their arguing slowed to a halt as well because as much as Janus was loathe to admit it, they did actually work well together and even if he felt like he was suffering his grades sure weren’t.

He usually got the bus home with Remus (he and Remus sat on the top deck and Roman and his friends sat on the bottom and that way they could pretend they didn’t know each other) but today he had stayed behind.

The college where finally hosting auditions for the college production, this year it was Chicago and Janus was beyond excited. He had been practicing all week, sixteen bars of ‘all I care about is Love’ and a duologue in which he actually pulls of an American accent. He’s determined to get a principle role.

So of course Roman is also auditioning.

Janus didn’t want to say he was overly competitive but he also couldn’t deny the amount of boasting he did when he got the main part over Roman. They both waited outside the theatre doors for the cast list to be pinned up and Janus lets out an honest to god cheer when he saw he got the part, Mr Billy Flynn.

Chicago rehearsals slowly take over his life but literally nothing can stop him from teasing Roman at any given opportunity.

“Having fun second best?” Janus calls from backstage as Roman fiddles with his ridiculous bowtie that was a part of his Amos costume.

“Some of us just aren’t meant to play villains J-Delightful” he shoots back and Janus can’t help but grin as they fall into the easy pattern of their banter.

They rehearse non-stop and Janus is sure if Remus hears him sing one more bar of razzle dazzle he was going to be turned into Remus’ newest science experiment but soon opening night is upon them. Janus shrugs into his suit and grabs his cane from the props table. Roman is stood next to him and they both watch as the lights slowly rise up on the stage from behind the curtains and the first notes of All That Jazz ring out across the theatre. The night is a chaotic mess of hairspray, feather boas and bowler hats. When it’s over they take their final bows together.

The third night, their last night performing is a blur. Janus feels the adrenalin in his veins when he steps out for his first number and feels the pounding of his heart when he steps out for his last. In the interval he and Roman join forces to locate their friends and honestly aren’t that surprised to find Remus sitting with Logan, Patton and Virgil who are cheering them on with vicious enthusiasm.

When the final number comes to a close he and Roman run out at the same time to take their last bows the upbeat jazz music playing loudly behind them. He and Roman sweep into low bows together, they had agreed to remain in character on the last night and Roman was gaining laugh after laugh from the way he waddled on stage as Amos. Janus shoved him out of the way to wink at the audience and both he and Roman broke into large grins when they bowed one last time with the entire cast. Janus couldn’t help but notice how damnably handsome Roman looked beneath the burning stage lights but Janus banishes that thought quicker than it had come.

It was the adrenalin speaking.

Had to be.

~

Janus doesn’t know how it happened but he starts hanging around Roman more and more after that. He initially starts going up to their study area (Technically it was anyone’s study area but after a year and a half of them causing chaos there it really did belong to them) to debate with Logan and Patton. Janus took philosophy with Logan and Patton well, he had never taken kindly to Janus’ self-serving ways. A combination of those things usually made for some very interesting debates but no matter how enthralled he was in conversation with others he always found himself drifting over to Roman. Today the blonde was furiously typing away at one of the computers and Janus found himself moving closer as Logan and Remus got into some form of science debate (all the talk of chemicals went over his head)

Janus read the title of the essay (10 instances Carter dismantles the patriarchy through sex) and snorted.

“Isn’t that essay due in next period Roman? What a fool of you to forget” Janus drawls shaking his head in mock disappointment.

“Better a witty fool than a foolish wit” Roman chimed quickly not looking up from his paragraph on the death of the patriarchy. Janus smirked sliding into the seat next to Roman

“Interested in my _wit_ now are we Roman” Janus leered suggestively and winked at the blushing blonde. Roman squeaked and hurriedly moved to print his essay. As he stood up he turned to look back at Janus with a crooked grin on his face

“Oh Janus I doubt there’s much wit there for me to be interested in”

Janus blinks uncomprehendingly as Roman dashes out of the room.

“Ooh you really showed him Janus” Remus teases from beside him, taking a break from discussing disturbing facts about the ocean to make fun of Janus’ mortification.

“Shut up”

~

“Remus come on” Janus begs from the other side of the table

“No” Remus responds holding another piece of metal over a bunson burner for reasons completely unknown to Janus

“Please” he begs again imploringly

“No” Remus says blithely marking something down on his stupid scientific table for his stupid scientific science with his stupid scientific pencil.

“You love traumatising people!” Janus protests

“I do love traumatising people” Remus said fondly “but I myself don’t want to be traumatised” he tacked on probably after seeing the hopeful look in Janus’ eyes

“Just take Roman, he loves musicals like you” Remus suggested

“I can’t take my enemy to the cinema Remus” Janus says indignantly sliding off his stool.

An hour later Janus finds himself stood in front of Roman.

“Do you want to go and see Cats with me this weekend?” Janus asks in what he hopes is a casual manner but even he can hear that he’s trying way too hard. Why is he even trying? This is Roman. Roman who he had seen accidentally lock himself in the props cupboard. He shouldn’t be feeling nervous at all.

“Cats as in the new Tom Hooper Cats. The Cats that gave people nightmares. The Cats that is full of anthropomorphic hell beasts and beloved actors I will never be able to see the same way again after watching it” Roman lists looking entirely too pleased with himself “that Cats?”

“That Cats” Janus nodded in confirmation “it’s going to be horrific. Do you want to come and see it with me?” he asks again because Christ he really does not want to be the kind of person who went to see Cats by themselves.

“Definitely” Roman said sending Janus a blinding grin “it’s a date then!”

Janus raised an eyebrow and felt his smile grow as Roman tried to back track.

“Not- not an actual date because you know you’re _you_ , not that there’s anything wrong with you” he stammers hurriedly “well there’s a bit wrong with you but I meant, what I mean-

Roman cuts himself off there and Janus doesn’t think he’s ever seen the blonde blush so hard

“I’m going to gay- I mean go, I’m going to go and be gay somewhere else” Roman said cringing at himself. Janus laughed softly as Roman walked away.

“We’ll meet at the cinema at 1 if that’s good for you?” Janus shouted down the corridor at Roman who gave him the thumbs up from half way down the corridor.

~

Janus left the cinema that Saturday a changed man.

“That was the worst thing since marmite” Janus commented scrunching his nose in disgust

“Marmites not that bad” Roman says because he obviously just lives to be a contrary bastard

“No-one likes marmite”

“No one likes _you_ ” Roman shoots back before letting out a groan “I need to go and drown my sorrows in pink lemonade” he says, a traumatised look on his face.

“I would gladly join you” Janus chimed as they stumbled out of the cinema blinking blearily at the glaring sunlight.

“Shall we go and process our shared trauma over the best lemonade you’ll ever have?” Roman asked, hazel eyes burning brightly.

“Lead the way” Janus says happily and ignores the way his stomach twists with nerves at the sight of Roman’s blinding smile.

~

They’ve been rehearsing for four hours now.

The extract given to them, some shitty piece from a shitty play that he had to perform with a shitty partner, was one of the last components he had left to complete. Worth 25% of his grade and Roman needed, needed so desperately for it to be as perfect as they could get it. The acting school he applied for only took the best of the best and Roman couldn’t put out anything that wasn’t _his_ best if he wanted to get in.

Janus wasn’t in the same frame of mind.

The other boy wasn’t taking their rehearsals seriously at all. He had been half an hour late, refused to act some of the scenes point blank, went on his phone, spoke over Roman and sometimes didn’t speak at all and every time Roman tried to point out how much they needed to rehearse this Janus gave him a sardonic look that made it evident he thought Roman was so far beneath him that he wasn’t even worth his time.

Roman didn’t know whether he wanted to scream or cry.

“Janus come on, I can’t do this scene without you actually acting with me” Roman snapped running a hand through his hair frustrated. Janus rose an eyebrow in response

“That doesn’t sound like my problem though does it” he simpered.

“God can you stop fucking around and care for something outside of yourself for once” Roman snaps feeling anger course through his veins and almost immediately regrets his words when he sees the hurt flash across Janus’ face

“Get over yourself Roman” Janus snarls glaring at him “no wonder no one fucking likes you”

The silence hangs heavily after that and Roman doesn’t quite know what to do with himself. They hadn’t said anything like that to each other since they were bloody 14 and Roman honestly can’t believe that Janus’ words hurt that much. The silence doesn’t hold much longer than that though. Roman can’t tell who apologises first but he does know they’re both awkward bumbling stuttering fools and so he does the only thing he can think of.

He pulls Janus in for a hug.

The stuttering awkward apologies halt immediately. Janus is warm and solid and also taller than Roman which would usually piss him off but now only serves to comfort him. He has to resist the urge to bury his head in Janus’ jacket because seriously how does he smell that nice? And he feels Janus tighten his hold on Roman before they both awkwardly step apart pulling away from each other slowly. Roman doesn’t want to admit that he hadn’t been ready to pull away.

Janus breathes out shakily and Roman swears he’s actually blushing which he doesn’t think he’s ever seen before.

“We good?” Roman asks smiling softly raising his eyebrow in question

“We have never been good ever, at all, in our entire lives” Janus shoots back immediately with a small smirk on his face and running a hand through his already messy hair.

Roman breathes a sigh of relief and then glances forlornly at their stupid script and checks the time, it’s almost six and they’d been at it for hours. They could run the scene one more time but then again they could also not do that, an option that was sounding more and more tempting by the minute.

“What do you saw we call it quits and go and get food instead?” Roman asks and Janus visibly slumps in relief. They make their way out of the drama studio flicking the lights off behind them.

“You’re paying” Roman says as they leave the classroom

“Why am I paying?” Janus responds indignantly.

They argue all the way to the café.

Janus pays.

~

Despite the shambles of a rehearsal that they never mention again their performance actually goes rather well and they walk into the classroom two weeks later eagerly awaiting their marks.

It had become a tradition over the years to receive their marks together and subsequently suffer the ruthless teasing of the other due to the outcome. Thomas was waiting for them as always, looking up at the two of them from his desk with a smile that was half indulgent, half exasperated.

“Well boys I’m sure you’ll be very happy to hear that you _both_ got full marks” he says smiling brightly but Roman is sure he can see a glint of mischief in those kind eyes.

“Wait” Janus says lowly, brows furrowed in confusion “you mean we got the s _ame score?”_

Roman can only assume they’re both wearing matching expressions of horror because Thomas looks far too please with himself.

“It’s…a draw?” Janus questions slowly and looking as though his soul had actually vacated his body

“Not if I kill you with a shovel as damned as Tom Hooper’s version of Cats” Roman shoots, striding out of the studio to deal with the news

“Not if I beat you too it” Janus hollers back and yep, that is definitely Thomas laughing at them in the background.

~

“So I was like I’ll kill you with a shovel” Roman explained to Virgil from where he was slumped in his favourite booth in the coffee shop staring into his hot chocolate as if it held all the answers. It didn’t have any answers. But it did have tiny marshmallows so Roman felt like that was a good enough substitute.

“A shovel huh” Virgil leered wiggling his eyebrows taking a sip of his black coffee because he was a heathen like that.

“How have you turned that into an innuendo?” Roman exclaimed flustered

“Hey it’s your shovel not mine”

“What does that even _mean?_ ”

~

Thomas finally tells them what their final performance is going to be and Roman is not disappointed in the slightest to find out that his last performance is going to be Hamlet. Quite literally as well as Roman had managed to bag the main role, Janus being his Horatio.

“I’ll beat you this time” Roman says challengingly as he annotates his script with an inch of its life

“Bring it on babes” Janus responds with a wink

“You got it Hun”

And slowly, so slowly, they start making progress. Rehearsals are long and draining but Roman leaves each lesson with a growing sense of satisfaction. Roman takes another sip of his latte (this early in the morning he needs something to get him through rehearsals) and pushes himself of the wall he was leaning on when he hears Janus walking down the stairs.

Roman immediately goes to greet him but stops stepping back narrowing his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Roman asks immediately.

“Nothing’s wrong Roman” the other boy snaps but Roman knows instantly that it’s a lie. Janus looks far too small right now, his shoulders are slumped and his eyes look suspiciously blood-shot. His entire manner is subdued and Roman doesn’t know why but he knows something’s just not right.

“No something’s wrong” Roman insists again because he might not be smart but he is stubborn

“Has anyone told you you’re an ass” Janus says weakly and even that tiny insult sounds more resigned, more tired than usual.

“No but I’ve been told I have a great arse quite a lot” Roman says in hopes of making Janus smile, just a bit. For a moment Janus looks like he wants to laugh but instead lets out a sob instead.

Roman doesn’t even realise what he’s doing until he’s drawn the other boy into a giant smothering hug rubbing his palm in soothing circles on his back as Janus sobs quietly into his shoulder.

He doesn’t know how long they stand there but then Janus is looking at him with red eyes and puffy cheeks and a watery smile and Roman kind of just wants to wrap him in a blanket and protect him forever because something in him just breaks when he sees Janus like this. Strong, defiant, witty, amazing Janus looking like he’s surprised he even made it out of bed that morning.

Roman never wants to see him like that again.

“Thanks Prince charming” Janus says the usual mockery conspicuously absent

“Anything for you darling”

They both ignore how the words ring a bit too true.

~

Another day, another rehearsal. They start with act one today, they’ve kicked the music students out of the theatre and taken over the space. Scripts are haphazardly chucked on the floor and jackets are strewn across chairs as they conquer the theatre in traditional theatre kid fashion.

Roman looks off stage, in the direction of what would be the ghost of his father and takes a determined stride forward. Before he can cross the stage however Janus reaches out, desperately gripping his sleeve and pulling him backwards until they stand chest to chest.

“Be ruled; you shall not go” Janus says earnestly and Roman actually almost misses his cue too distracted by Janus’ glimmering eyes.

“My fate cries out” Roman replies seriously, perhaps too seriously than the scene called for and yanks himself away from Janus striding off stage. His heart is pounding a staccato rhythm and his cheeks are oddly flushed. He doesn’t understand? Why was he acting like this? It was just Janus, irritatingly handsome Janus and-

Oh

_Oh_

_Oh shit_

They call rehearsals there for today and Roman leaves the theatre like he has the hounds of hell yipping at his feet. He could not deal with seeing Janus right now who might as well be the devil. Not after what he had just realised. Still oddly flustered he pulled out his phone he rushes towards the study area he knows all his traitor friends are sitting in.

**The insanely cool Roman Craw** to **Cow Cult Was Real**

Guys

GUYS

Guys I need to swear you all to secrecy

I can’t believe this

**[Insert profanity here] emo**

Here we go again

**You’re not my dad**

What’s wrong Ro??

**The insanely cool Roman Craw**

I’m not telling unless you’re all here

**Nerd; refined**

Yes roman I am here please continue

with your back to back dilemmas

I think

That I might possibly

Maybe have

A crush on Janus Thorn

**[insert profanity here] emo**

Okay, what’s the news?

“What” Roman shouts as he finally bursts into the study area, panting slightly from having to climb up so many stairs.

“What do you mean ‘what’s the news’ I’ve just realised I have a crush on my rival, my lifelong enemy!” Roman exclaims gesturing wildly

“Roman I assure you even though you have just realised the rest of us have not had the luxury of being ignorant” Logan says tiredly

“And you didn’t tell me” Roman bursts dramatically throwing himself to lie across Virgil and Logan’s laps.

“Tell you that you have a crush?” Logan asks slowly

Roman nods seriously in response.

They throw him onto the floor.

Roman wallows there for the entirety of break.

~

The next week is trying for Roman, he has no idea how to act anymore and he has no idea if he’s reading into everything too much. His friends are absolutely no help on the matter either.

“Am I too obvious? Do you think he knows?” Roman worriedly asks Logan one day at the bus stop after almost walking into a lamppost waving goodbye to Janus because he was smooth like that.

“You’re acting like the same idiot you were before Roman, I think he’s just as dense as you”

He didn’t find that as comforting as Logan obviously thought it was.

“Oh he is my love oh that he knew he were” he breathes to Virgil from where they’re waiting on Patton when Janus walks past them grinning at Roman.

“Stop pining in Shakespeare Princey and repress your feelings like the rest of us” Virgil says snidely rolling his eyes. Roman doesn’t wrestle his friend in the corridor because that would be very immature of him. He does trip him up when Virgil walks ahead of him to meet Patton though.

He had approached Patton in hopes that his nicest friend would have any sound advice for him. He should have known better. He asks Patton if he should ask Janus to run lines with him in the coffee shop near college

“Would that be weird? Would he realise? What if-

Patton smiles and giggles

“You’ve got this kiddo” he says encouragingly before pushing him directly into Janus who was walking past them.

Roman swears as he bumps into him steadying himself

“Hey there, friendo” Roman says finger gunning and immediately regrets ever being born. He hears Remus groan behind Janus and agrees with his twin’s sentiment. He’s a mess.

Janus quirks an eyebrow, grinning teasingly and Roman tries not to blush

“I was wondering if you wanted to run some lines later?” he asks and tries to pretend he’s not as anxious as Virgil on his seventh cup of coffee.

“Finally admitting I’m better than you?” he smirks infuriatingly

“No but Thomas will have my head if I’m not off book and I’m dying for a coffee”

They met up later and do exactly that, it wasn’t a date. Totally not.

Roman doesn’t know how he managed to lie to himself for all these years.

~

Janus hops down the stairs two at a time as he heads for the theatre humming along absently to the jazz music blasting from his earphones with a coffee in hand. He should be concerned about the amount of coffee he consumes on the daily but honestly it was either this or caffeine pills so it was definitely the better alternative. So what if the barista could rattle off his order before he’d even stepped into the store. It was fine. He was fine.

He had just swung the theatre door open, a bright cheery greeting on his lips, when he stopped dead in his tracks.

Because instead of being greeted by Roman, peppy, happy, boisterous Roman he’s met with silence. Only no, not silence, something much worse. He’s met with the sight of Roman, curled up in the middle of the stage, body shaking with great wracking sobs.

Janus doesn’t know what to do but he knows he has to do something and before he ever registers what he is actually doing he’s already sat down next to Roman pulling him into the most awkward side hug of all time. He ignored how fast his heart was racing (it was the coffee) and let Roman sob into his shoulder.

“They rejected me” Roman says through heaving sobs and Janus doesn’t have to ask Roman to clarify. Roman had applied to his dream university, a prestigious acting school in London and had been expecting a response all week.

Janus couldn’t even imagine what it must feel like to have everything you’ve worked for to be ripped away from you like that.

He starts murmuring small comforts to Roman still holding the other boy into his side and eventually Roman begins to calm down, sniffling every now and again.

“You’re going to be okay Roman” Janus says and it almost sounds like a promise. Maybe it is because Janus knows he never wants to see Roman this distraught ever again. Would do anything to keep that blinding crooked smile on his face.

“you don’t need a smarmy acting school in London to know that one day you’re gonna make it” Roman’s sardonic snort interrupts Janus’ reassurances. Janus grabs Roman’s hands so that the boy has no choice but to look at Janus when he speaks

“Really Roman, you’re brilliant – and one day I know the rest of the world will know it too”

The moment is entirely too raw for Janus to deal with, with the way Roman looks at him like he’s hung the stars themselves and the way Janus’ lungs constrict painfully when he’s pinned under the weight of that intense burning stare.

“Besides there’s always sabotage” Janus suggests pointedly and grins in victory when Roman lets out a startled laugh.

It’s when Janus is walking away that he realises he wishes he could hold onto Roman a bit longer that he’s hit with the realisation.

Oh

_Oh._

**One singular snake-sation** to **trash man door hand hook car door gun**

I think I have a crush on your twin

**trash man door hand hook car door gun**

Yeah Janus we all know, even God knows and God is dead

**One singular snake-sation**

You didn’t tell me?

Why didn’t you tell me?

**trash man door hand hook car door gun**

Because you’re an idiot, just please don’t tell me about your plans to woo him

I don’t want to imagine you fucking my brother

**One singular snake-sation**

REMUS

~

The performance gets nearer and nearer which means more rehearsals which means more of Roman making a fool out of himself in front of Janus who seems completely unflappable. He and Janus are the only ones in the theatre, deciding to run through their Hamlet and Horatio scene before the rest of the cast arrive. This time when Roman strides off to meet the ghost of his father he is prepared for Janus’ hands pulling him back, studiously schools his face so he doesn’t blush when he looks into Janus’ eyes and convinces himself that he has everything under control.

Except when Janus looks at Roman now Roman can tell it is not Horatio looking back at him. He doesn’t see the stern and earnest expression that usually covers Janus’ face, nor the stubborn set to his mouth when he usually plays this scene. Instead his face has given way into something so tender that Roman’s heart pounds in his chest so loudly Janus can probably hear it.

“Be ruled by me” Janus breaths bringing one hand up to cup Roman’s face.

That is not Janus’ line. It is not Janus’ line and they both know it but before Roman can even question it warm lips are pressing against his softly. Roman’s stunned for a few moments before he kisses back mind completely blank, just full of the sensation of Janus’ lips against his and his hands in Roman’s hair.

When Janus finally pulls away it feels like an eternity has already passed and Roman steps back already craving more.

“Oh” he breathes softly staring dazedly at him. He had not meant to say that but before Roman could even string together anything else to say Janus had already ripped himself away from him, something ugly twisting his face.

“What was I thinking” he scoffs to himself before turning on his heel to walk away.

Roman is too confused to be hurt. Janus is not following proper kissing etiquette and Roman is far too dazed to be smart right now.

“What are you doing?” Roman shouts at Janus’ back striding after him

“This was a mistake, I’m sorry, we can just ignore this ever happened if you want too” Janus rambles but before he can say anything else Roman cuts him off.

“I don’t want too” Roman declares strongly striding across the room closing the gap between them. He can’t believe Janus is this dumb, Roman was anything but subtle, he would have thought after kissing back his intentions were blatantly known.

Roman grabs onto his wrist and pulls the other boy back until their standing chest to chest in a reverse of their earlier positions. Janus is studiously looking anywhere but Roman, a blush dusting his cheeks and Roman doesn’t wait any longer before kissing him again. Janus responds immediately hands tangling in Roman’s hair and finally, _finally,_ in this moment, Roman thinks he understands what all the poets mean when they write about love.

They break apart eventually and Janus’ hair is mussed and his lips are swollen and Roman kind of feels like he’s falling in love all over again for the first time

“Oh” it’s Janus’ turn to ay breathlessly and Roman can’t help but laugh slightly resting his forehead against Janus’

“Do you know how many people are about to lose money when we reveal we’re dating” Roman jokes and laughs when Janus reels back gasping dramatically

“Why Mr Craw aren’t you being a bit too forward?” he says a smile tugging at his lips as if Janus had even been anything close to an innocent maiden in his life.

“Thou and I are to wise to woo peacefully” Roman says softly a sappy smile on his face

“Stop quoting Shakespeare and kiss me already”

Roman obliges happily.

(To the surprise of everyone, it's Patton who wins the bet)

**Author's Note:**

> Damn okay finally finished this, lets play a fun game and you can tell me which of these mortificating encounters actually occured with me and my crush (I'm totally not projecting shut up)  
> Anyway I love my boys and I had a lot of fun writing this, comments and kudos are always appreciated and you can find me on tumblr under the same url!  
> If you see a typo feel free to roast me


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